It happens to most women who endure more than one divorce or breakup. It’s happened to Halle Berry. It’s happened to Jennifer Lopez, Eva Longoria, Drew Barrymore, Janet Jackson, Demi Moore, and a host of other gorgeous women considered to be a “catch” who’ve experienced what many deem multiple failed relationships with men.
It’s probably happened to you.
Consensus slaps women in this situation with the “You can’t keep a man” label. As though you have some fatal flaw. Some irrevocable brokenness that your beauty or talent cannot overcome.
I once kept a mental wish list of mostly superficial characteristics that I measured against potential romantic partners. I wanted them to be a certain height, drive a particular caliber of vehicle, look and dress a certain way. There were less shallow items mixed in, but the bulk of my rationale focused on external attributes.
The criteria for my decision-making were all about the other person. This sounds good, as though you’re getting what you want. The issue is that you may not get what you need. …
On pandemic suicide and sadness.
I felt oddly elated as I parked in front of my neighborhood Target store and hopped out of the car. Then, steps away from the entrance, I realized I wasn’t wearing a face mask. As I slogged back to grab one from my glove compartment, the thought, “what if this is the way things are forever” sat on my heart.
Then I thought, I’d rather die than live this way in perpetuity.
It was a fleeting notion that, as a recovering undercover melancholic, I promptly corrected. Being someone who believes in the ability to manifest…
So, why do we focus so intently on just one?
Most of us don’t get butterflies in our stomachs when we see our parents, friends, or siblings. Though sometimes, just thinking about a significant other or someone we’re dating can evoke that sense of euphoria. So, we crave romance — sometimes to a fault and against our best interests.
Romantic love feels amazing. Without question. The sensation and even what it biologically does to our bodies is unrivaled. …
So many of our dating norms stem from traditional gender roles where the man approaches the woman. He courts her, woos her, and historically saves a damsel from distress or an unmarried woman from becoming an old maid. It’s no wonder that women aren’t usually very comfortable making the first move on a man. It’s not often presented as “natural” behavior.
No matter how confident you are as a woman, it may be tough to take the lead in dating without feeling overly aggressive or fearing that you’ll come off as desperate. Both sides have it in our heads that…
Consider the goal that you have in mind when you choose someone for a romantic partnership. Do you go into the union intending to marry the person? Do you set a timeframe for how long you’d like it to last?
Perhaps we hope the relationship will become a legally binding commitment. But we often go into it aiming to grow closer to the person, get to know them better, and practice monogamy. However, we sometimes put needless pressure on the situation by setting a lofty end-goal for determining its success or failure.
Whether it was our parents, friends…
If you were to ask anyone if we should define women by relationship status, they’d likely reject the notion. Yet doing so is a recurring theme in our circle of loved ones and society as a whole. It’s evident when the first questions asked of us when we meet someone new revolve around marriage and children, not careers or ambitions. It’s clear when holiday gatherings with family somehow always become an interrogation about our dating lives.
Women are frequently in positions where it seems expected that we address our romantic situations and especially answer for our singleness. Sometimes, we adopt…
Forgive me if my lack of fascination with anatomy and sexual desire makes me seem complicated. I don’t mean to be and don’t believe that I am. I understand that we have primal instincts that are attracted to beauty and gratified through physical contact.
I am no exception. Affection and intimacy also rank near the top of my list when factoring in essential elements of a healthy romantic relationship. It’s just not enough to evoke my sustained interest.
We all desire and want to be desired. I can appreciate this aspect of engagement. For some, especially if your love language…
I sat in a chair, staring out of the living room window one Saturday afternoon, waiting for my daddy to pull into the driveway. It’d been months since I’d seen him. On my feet were the pink Reeboks he bought me last time we were together — proof that he loved me.
My mother separated my hair into two fresh pigtails. She cleaned my face and ironed one of my nicest short sets to match the Reeboks. I couldn’t leave her house unpresentable. Plus, dolling me up was kind of her thing. At eight-years-old, I was her life-sized Barbie.
Putting others in a position to fail me has been one of my worst habits. One that I’ve challenged myself to unlearn. Because ultimately, in doing this, we break our own hearts and hurt our own feelings.
Creating upsetting situations isn’t likely a conscious decision. You wouldn’t intentionally help people make you feel neglected and alone. Yet, you probably do this more often than you realize.
Setting people up to let you down looks like:
For instance, not mentioning to the person you’re dating that your birthday is coming up in a few days. Perhaps you told them the date…