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Author of the critically acclaimed book on women and relationship status, “Single That.” https://www.amazon.com/dp/1687069786

Because sometimes it’s easier to tell a group of random people how you feel than to have a difficult conversation with one person you care about.

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Confession: I was once a subtweeter.

The “sub” meaning “subliminal.” I would say things to or about people in my life on social media. But without mentioning them or including their @ handle in the post. We both knew who the message was for, though of course, I denied ill-intent if confronted.

The practice of subtweeting originated on Twitter but happens on every social media platform. Sometimes it’s done in jest, other times not. When it involves someone we’re connected to in real life, things get personal.

It seems it’s easier to make a general post about our feelings than…


Why you should believe them when they say, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

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When we love someone who doesn’t love us back, we tend to question, “why?” Whether we ask them or ourselves or the universe, our minds drift toward reconciling why the person we’ve given so much of ourselves to doesn’t share the sentiment. The problem is, when we do this, the responses almost always evoke feelings of unworthiness. We ponder what we may have done “wrong” and think things would’ve been different if we were more of this or less of that.

I’ve come to embrace the fact that I’m not for everybody. That’s Ok. It goes both ways. Everybody isn’t…


A shift in focus could increase your satisfaction with the results.

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Have you ever gotten exactly what you wanted, only to later discover that you don’t want it? Of course you have. I think most of us have experienced a reality that didn’t match our fantasies. Where having the thing wasn’t as satisfying as daydreaming about having the thing.

Sometimes it’s a romantic interest that you pursue and then realize they just don’t do it for you. Other times it’s a new job that quickly feels old, or something once viewed as an opportunity that becomes a burdensome obligation. You’re certain you want something or someone or to be somewhere. …


From someone who experienced it more times in one month than in years.

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I met a guy in person that I’d matched with on a dating app just a few days prior. We knew little about one another aside from the information displayed on our profiles, as he wasn’t adept at text message conversations. After only a few pleasantries, he said, “look, I’d really like to get to know you,” and asked if he could call me. The call led to us meeting at a nearby lounge.

There wasn’t anything modelesque about this guy’s appearance. He was wearing a beige sweater with jeans and a pair of black work boots. His hair was…


Have you ever loved someone who didn’t love you back?

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Have you ever loved someone who didn’t love you back?

Have you loved someone who broke you into immeasurable pieces?

Has anyone ever taken your love for granted?

If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, you’ve likely felt as though you wasted time, energy, and love on that someone. You sometimes wish you could take your love back because they didn’t appreciate it enough to handle it with care. You wish you could’ve saved it for someone worthy.

The first time I loved someone who didn’t reciprocate, I felt all those same emotions. All those same regrets and…


The actress gave a perfect response to this toxic outlook.

Alexander Horn / Wikimedia Commons

It happens to most women who endure more than one divorce or breakup. It’s happened to Halle Berry. It’s happened to Jennifer Lopez, Eva Longoria, Drew Barrymore, Janet Jackson, Demi Moore, and a host of other gorgeous women considered to be a “catch” who’ve experienced what many deem multiple failed relationships with men.

It’s probably happened to you.

Consensus slaps women in this situation with the “You can’t keep a man” label. As though you have some fatal flaw. Some irrevocable brokenness that your beauty or talent cannot overcome.

Berry recently endured this repeated onslaught of misguided slander when she…


Start by getting rid of your wish list.

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I once kept a mental wish list of mostly superficial characteristics that I measured against potential romantic partners. I wanted them to be a certain height, drive a particular caliber of vehicle, look and dress a certain way. There were less shallow items mixed in, but the bulk of my rationale focused on external attributes.

The criteria for my decision-making were all about the other person. This sounds good, as though you’re getting what you want. The issue is that you may not get what you need. …


On pandemic suicide and sadness.

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I felt oddly elated as I parked in front of my neighborhood Target store and hopped out of the car. Then, steps away from the entrance, I realized I wasn’t wearing a face mask. As I slogged back to grab one from my glove compartment, the thought, “what if this is the way things are forever” sat on my heart.

Then I thought, I’d rather die than live this way in perpetuity.

It was a fleeting notion that, as a recovering undercover melancholic, I promptly corrected. Being someone who believes in the ability to manifest…


So, why do we focus so intently on just one?

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Most of us don’t get butterflies in our stomachs when we see our parents, friends, or siblings. Though sometimes, just thinking about a significant other or someone we’re dating can evoke that sense of euphoria. So, we crave romance — sometimes to a fault and against our best interests.

Romantic love feels amazing. Without question. The sensation and even what it biologically does to our bodies is unrivaled. …


Go for what you want.

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So many of our dating norms stem from traditional gender roles where the man approaches the woman. He courts her, woos her, and historically saves a damsel from distress or an unmarried woman from becoming an old maid. It’s no wonder that women aren’t usually very comfortable making the first move on a man. It’s not often presented as “natural” behavior.

No matter how confident you are as a woman, it may be tough to take the lead in dating without feeling overly aggressive or fearing that you’ll come off as desperate. Both sides have it in our heads that…

Acamea Deadwiler

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