At least it would be, if love were a color.

Photo by Akshar Dave on Unsplash

I recently heard a succinct descriptor of love that summed up for me what has always felt like a more complex view that I’m sure I share with others. I consider love, its most healthy version at least, to be more of a choice — serene and lucid at its core. It is not proud, it is not boastful.

I believe that love should feel like a safe space and is at its most pure when offered purposefully. When it is expressed from a place of sound mind and intentional heart. It knows exactly what it is doing and gets its point across without disrupting its virtue, because of its virtue.

Love is blue.

That is the statement I heard on Jada Pinkett-Smith’s show, Red Table Talk.

We tend to think of love as red — as aggressive and overly passionate, barely containable. It is palms sweating, in your face, heart pounding, burning desire that teeters on the brink of madness and sometimes crosses over. The problem with red love is that it is emotionally volatile. That intense yearning can quickly shift gears and manifest itself through less congenial characteristics — Such as obsession, jealousy, control and rage.

But that’s what red is. It doesn’t just announce its presence in the room, it claims the room as its own and wields its power. In just about any study of colors, red represents authority. When applied to people, reds need to be in charge, and relish a good challenge. There are situations where necessitating command could serve as an advantageous attribute, career leadership positions naturally come to mind. But not love. Not in what is supposed to be a mutual, uncoerced affair.

On the other hand, the color blue is known to have a calming effect. It has actually been shown to lower heart rate. (Red raises it.) In 2009, blue lights were installed at the end of platforms on Tokyo’s Yamanote railway line to reduce the incidence of suicide — which subsequently fell by 74 percent at these locations. Blue is associated with things considered relaxing and pleasant, which is why we see the world’s top brands utilizing and outfitting employees in the color.

Blue is an empowering influence. It’s warm and stabilizing. Individuals considered to have blue as their dominant color value integrity and appreciation. They are more focused on the quality and strength of a relationship, as opposed to controlling it or having the relationship become some kind of neurotic joy ride.

If we want what is viewed as “red love” we have to deal with both sides of its passion. Anything driven by emotion will have this Jekyll and Hyde trait. Because emotions are unpredictable, as well as fleeting. They can change on a dime. Where does that leave us? Hurt sometimes, confused mostly. Hot and cold. Happy and sad. Built up and torn down. We don’t know if we’re being possessed, loved or none of the above.

Blue love is peaceful. It stills your heart. It is not the storm, it is the shelter. That’s not to say that there will never be tension, but it has a solid foundation set on respect and kindness. Tensions don’t often escalate to full-on assault. Blue love may not be as loud, but is infinitely more reassuring because it is consistent and confident. It drives instead of being driven. It’s in control, not needing to control. It’s liberating instead of constraining. It doesn’t have to be right, only understood.

The exact elements of love may vary from person to person. But ultimately, love should embrace you firmly enough that you feel protected, gently enough that you feel free.

Lust is red. Infatuation is red. Possession, manipulation and dominance are all red.

Love is Blue.

Author of a critically-acclaimed book on women and dating. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1687069786

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store