Some battles we win by not fighting.

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Photo by Katerina Pavlyuchkova on Unsplash

We’re so much more carefree early in our lives. We’re more trusting, more open to wonder and possibility. More sensitive. Then, somewhere between childhood and adulting, we develop thicker skin — often out of necessity. We learn to fight, get tougher and construct almost impenetrable protections.

Life has certainly smacked us around a little. So, we adjust in order to survive it all. Now, skepticism resides where our optimistic side once reigned supreme. We’re defiantly suspicious of everything and everyone.

We resist, rather than submit. People come into our lives and are forced to prove themselves, while we simultaneously make it almost impossible for them to do so. It’s a pseudo chance that we offer. Because we keep our guard up the entire time and avoid making ourselves vulnerable so that they actually can prove themselves, for fear that they may not.

Something gets in the way of our ability to be truly receptive. We can never relax and just take life as it comes. We must take it all, the good the bad and the incredibly painful over which we seem to foolishly believe that we wield some type of power.

So, we fight and resist, defend ourselves and fortify our internal borders. But despite our most exhausting efforts, hurt, failure and disappointment still somehow find their way in.

Aren’t you tired?

I know I am. I’m too tired now to build or maintain walls and play games. Too tired to wrestle with someone over ill-conceived notions. Far too tired to try and avoid inevitable suffering.

We’re hesitant to surrender because we associate it with defeat. Yet, surrender is not always about giving up. Sometimes it just means relinquishing our need to control everything. This is where much of our inner conflict takes place — when our idea of life does not coincide with reality and things don’t go as we hoped or planned.

There is detriment in allowing things to happen to us instead of going out and happening to things. This is not an endorsement for laziness or absolving ourselves of responsibility. Surrender is about letting go. Not leaving our lives to the whims of chance and circumstance, but accepting the things we cannot change and the outcomes we are unable to influence. It is about opening ourselves up to receive, everything. And in the end, count it all joy.

There is a time for fighting and there is a time for us to protect our peace. Everything can’t be a struggle. The beauty in surrender is that it gives us a place to lay our weapons down.

Allow life to fill you up.

Surrender.

To happiness, to love, to the unknown…

Author of a critically-acclaimed book on women and dating. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1687069786

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