Why I Don’t Pressure Men For a Commitment

And you shouldn’t either.



Photo by John Fornander on Unsplash

I have to start by saying this could go one of two ways. Not pushing a man that you’re seriously dating toward a commitment can lead to either him prolonging the “situationship” and uncertainty as long as possible, or he’ll appreciate the lack of pressure and initiate the conversation himself. It won’t always render the result that you may want. I’ve experienced both outcomes. Nonetheless, I still believe this is the best way to approach an exclusive romantic relationship for a few reasons.

I don’t ever want a man to feel as though he was coerced or manipulated into being my partner. More than this, I need to know that he wasn’t. I need to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he chose me.

I see it often, where people will just settle for a relationship that they don’t want, or accept a relationship to which they didn’t overtly agree. Fear of being alone, hurting someone’s feelings, or even losing them contributes to such arrangements.

You’d think that if you’re afraid to lose someone it’s a sign that you should commit to them. But not always. Sometimes people are afraid to lose you because they don’t have other options, they’ve grown fond of you but still wish to date other people (they don’t want you dating other people though), or even because they want to continue sleeping with you.

So, no pressure from me.

I may bring up the idea of a relationship if it’s something I’d like to explore with the man I’m dating, but once I know he’s clear on what I want and where I stand, I won’t mention it many times again. I don’t make threats or give ultimatums. I don’t badger for answers or decisions.

I also don’t like succumbing to the notion that commitment is inherently more difficult or scary for men. I think this is what we do when we try to persuade men to commit—as though it’s an idea that comes naturally to us but they need to be talked into it.

I get societal gender roles, primal instincts, the historical concept of masculinity, and that in many circles it’s considered natural for men to desire wom(e)n. But, it’s not always easy for us to commit either. I don’t want to buy into a school of thought that teaches girls to…




Critically acclaimed author. Music connoisseur. Multi-passionate creative. I’ve lost a lot of sleep to dreams….